Tony Stark Really Hates Getting Kidnapped
by LadyBraainy
Summary: He does. He really does. So of course, this story takes place after he has been abducted by some psychopath with a really well-rounded vocabulary and really painful punches. Unfortunately for Tony, the similarities between his previous kidnappings and this one seem to end there...Rated for blood and mild swears. Friendships only, no romance(though there is worried!Cap later)


**Hello! Just a few things before you get going: I am really scattered this week. Basketball practices have just started, and I've got some serious homework to do, so I'll try to get another chapter up ASAP, but no promises. Also, a big thank-you to those who followed and/or faved the original. This new one is missing most of the second half of that chapter, but I replaced it with some things that will make the rest of the story _much_ easier to follow, I promise. Hope everyone who reads this has a happy Thanksgiving, and don't forget to review!**

Tony Stark really hated getting kidnapped.

No, really-he _loathed_ it. And for the number of times it happened throughout his traumatized lifetime, his attitude towards it was becoming a serious problem. Getting taken from his workshop or knocked out in the rec room or-on the rare occasions that he actually had time to _sleep,_ but really, who had time for that shit?-stolen from his bed in the middle of the night was becoming a monthly thing, and it was _not_ doing wonders for his already damaged brain cells.

Yeah, he would admit it-his mind was not everything that it used to be. Ever since his little stint in Afghanistan, where he had made intimate friends with the finer points of water boarding, his outlook on life had become a little...twisted. But c'mon, he was an Avenger, for God's sake! There was not a single person on the whole team that hadn't been broken (or at least bent in some horrific way) at some point in their existence. Not even the great Captain freaking America had escaped HYDRA without getting a little freezer burn, and here Tony was, complaining about getting tied up in abandoned warehouses. He really needed to just _get over it._

Of course, no matter how many times he told himself this, Tony still absolutely hated getting kidnapped.

He was roused from his thoughts by a bruising punch to the ribcage. Someone yanked the grungy bag obscuring his vision away from his face, and he coughed violently. A small lamp was aimed directly at his eyes, so when he tried to glare at his captor, all he could manage was a disgruntled squint. He attempted to make out some details, but all he could tell from the body shape was that his kidnapper was a woman, maybe 5'7, with short, spiky hair.

"Tony Stark," she smirked—yeah, he could _hear_ the smirk she wore when she spoke- "At last, you are within my grasp." Tony raised his eyebrows at the dark figure in his best _are-you-for-real _look. Did bad guys actually still _say_ that? Or in this case, bad girls? Well, he knew_ bad girls_ said that, but usually you had to pay them first...he dropped his gaze and chuckled.

"Sorry, doll, you're gonna have to be a little more specific," he slurred, still a little out of breath from the punch. "I've been in the grasp of a lot of beautiful women in the past week. Everything's still a little hazy." He squinted up at her. "We we gambling, or drinking? Or both, those things normally go hand-in-hand with me." He had time to give her a feral grin before another blow was dealt to his stomach, this one making the first look like one of Hawkeye's love taps. He grunted from the impact-man, this chick was _strong_-and tried to fold in around the tender area. It was then when he realized that he was handcuffed. Hand and foot. To a chair. That was bolted to the floor. He groaned, but it wasn't because of his ribs

God_DAMN _it, he hated getting kidnapped.

The woman delivered a mean right hook to his jaw, then grabbed his face in a glove-covered hand. She squeezed until Tony was hissing with pain before speaking.

"You _dare_ insult the person holding your very life in their hands? You _pathetic_ creature! Have you no thought for your own well-being?" She leaned in close. "You. Repel. Me," she sneered, shoving him away so hard his neck cracked. Tony had to giggle a little at her words. Caring for his own well-being? He had never used the words "caring" and "well-being" in the same sentence in his entire life. And now this lady thought he was gonna get all hot and bothered because she "had him in her grasp"? Please.

His thoughts were interrupted by a swift kick to his shin that would have hurt like a bitch and knocked him over if the chair wasn't permanently fixed to the floor. Instead, it just hurt like a bitch. Tony stopped giggling in favor of crying out in pain. The woman smirked, satisfied with herself.

"I'll be you're wondering why you're here, pathetic mortal," she sneered, remaining stubbornly out of the light. "Of course you could never figure it out on your own. What place on your insignificant Earth would have such terrible, starless places for me to interrogate prisoners?"

"Queens?" Tony gasped, trying to nurse his injured shin with his other calf. It wasn't going very well. "Probably Far Rockaway, right? Yeah, I owe a lot of the people there money. I mean, a _lot_. I was gonna get around to paying them, but you know, I went for a 3-month vacation in the Middle Eastern Desert, and then I got signed up to be on this team of superheroes, and we kinda saved the world a few weeks back, so I've been a little preoccupi-" His ramblings were cut off by get another punch to the gut.

"Stop. Talking." The woman growled. He grunted, but stayed quiet. She stood and walked over to a table out of Tony's vision.

"Wherever this place of human royalty is on your planet, Midgardian, you are nowhere near any "queens" other than the one that stands before you." She rustled a few paper behind him before back into his line of vision. The lamp was turned off, and it took Tony a moment to adjust to the dimness. Once he could see, he quickly took note of her appearance: blonde hair, dark eyes, (it was hard to tell the actual color, with the only light now being a hanging bulb at the far end of the room,). Definitely not taller than 5'7, but her scary looking high- heeled boots probably added an inch or two to that guesstimate. Along with the boots, she wore a black leather vest and what appeared to be tan leather pants. A really _scary _looking sword completed the sexy-vagabond look she was trying to pull, and honestly, she looked kind of ridiculous.

"Behold," she boomed, throwing her arms out for effect, "Hestasia, rightful ruler of the planet of Asgard, first daughter of Acheon, brother of Odin." Tony would have rolled his eyes that this display if he hadn't been so confused. Why was she talking like Thor all of a sudden? All of that stuff about Asgard and being the rightful ruler of everything; that sounded a lot like the conversation he'd had with a certain two-pronged terror a few weeks ago. The woman -Hestasia- must have noticed his furrowed brow. She started laughing and walking towards him.

"Like I said before," she grinned, "A foolish mortal could never unravel my master plan. You are supposed to be the smart one on the team, right? You and that doctor fellow of yours. I would have taken him, but as you and I know, he has a tendency to get... upset." Tony paled. She knew about Banner living in the tower. That was... impossible. His security protocols...

"Don't strain yourself trying to puzzle this one out on your own, Stark. I'll give you a clue to start you off." She smiled menacingly.

"Your prison is not constructed of stone, or brick, or metal. It is not made of any human material because, dear Midgardian you are no longer in a human realm. Be proud, Tony Stark: you are the first mortal to ever grace these lands." Tony looked around, and it all clicked into place. He shook his head.

"Not possible. Only Thor has the power to come here. You don't have the juice, he told us that the bi-freeze whatever was destroyed. You're bluffing." She shook her head at him. "Didn't I just ask you if you were the smart one? Maybe if I give you a more formal welcome, you'll accept that truth. Anthony Edward Stark, welcome. Welcome to Asgard. Welcome to the home of the Gods of all realms. Welcome, to the place of your death." She gave hima mocking bow and smirked.

"I do hope you enjoy your stay."


End file.
